One week left.
It’s amazing how unrealistic that feels right now. Like
we still have another weekend, another adventure, another lesson to learn. And
we do—just not here, not now, not anymore.
A large part of me is very scared to go home. To return
to the go-go-go-ness of things. The stress, the time management, the control,
the pressures. The worries, the concerns. The hard conversations I have to
face. The relationship maintenance. The undeniable changes my heart has undergone,
and how to relate to them in a new context with different eyes.
The opportunities that have opened up, the tasks God may
call me to. The temptations to sinful luxuries, the crutch of convenience, the
blindfolds that seem so comfortable when you are so far removed. The comforts—physical,
mental, emotional, spiritual. The power, and the temptation to abuse that
power. The things I am not good at and all the talents I am called to use. The fact
that it’s only three more semesters till graduation.
When I first began this journey—praying with my head in
my hands in the middle of a chapel service—I had no idea what God had in store.
Fun, yes, but maybe not a direction changer. Maybe not a reconstruction of my
faith and a strengthening of my foundations. Maybe not five new relationships I
would give a lot to plant in Washington State.
Today, we walked through Doi Inthanon—the highest
mountain in Thailand. We were up so high evergreens were growing and the 55
degree weather made me freeze. There was a nature trail filled with moss
infested trees and ferns, dewy wooden bridges and the chipper calls of forest
birds. The sky was overcast and a tiny stream ran through the trail, making
music on the rocks. All I could think of was home, home, home.
Home, where evergreens are aplenty and warm coffee awaits
the cold on every corner. Home, where siblings have grown and changed and are
in desperate need of cool Thai presents. Home, where comfy couches sit by foggy
windows next to fire places. Home, where studying means espresso and the Temper
Trap. Home, where God has called me for now, where God is still in control, and
where God knew I would return to.
So, difficult as it may be—and heartbreaking as it is to
leave my friends—one week and three flights more and I get to be at home. I
know the Lord will bring me peace (he always does), but your prayers are still
greatly appreciated.
…Perhaps in the next post he’ll tell me what this has all
been about. ;)
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